literature

Breaking Point

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Literature Text

I can feel it, here, now.
It's waiting for my decision.
And though I've told it through the door,
I'm indecisive,
It's still waiting, patient in this time of chaos.

It must just be me, then.
The one with the chaos in her mind.
The lunatic who finally lost,
The little sanity she possessed.
And now all that's left of her is a shell.

A pretty shell, no doubt;
I've always been told of my sometimes beauty.
But a shell is not the real thing, dear.
You'll see soon enough.

I could lie, and spin a tale of woe,
For all to pity and cry over.
But, that isn't me, and you know that,
Don't you? You should, by now.
I'm only dramatic when I'm fine.

But, oh, what's that? You say I'm okay?
Don't make me laugh.
You actually believed my false words,
The ones that burned my lips on their way out?
How very...obvious of you.

Listening to my every word, as always;
A true gentleman. After all, why would I ever lie,
To you, of all people? Such a weak point, dear.
I can lie without a twitch or a blink, because of you.
So I owe you that much, then. Thanks.

One truth speckled that speech of lies you heard,
Can you find it? Try harder, you'll get it soon.
Time's up. I found it for you. Such a shame; you thought
That you knew me, didn't you?
I'm not angry. The truth. It always will be.

I can bring forth no anger at you.
Lucky, you are, I suppose. You already know of my fury.
Instead, I sit in the corner of my room,
Crying and writing in my shaking script,
Trying to decide; the answer won't come.

All I can feel towards you is hurt.
And I wonder to myself: Can I do it?
Can I break my own heart, in order to be free of you?
The way I see it, the only way to be free,
Is to give you the part of me that you already own.

And with the remaining pieces of me,
I'll rebuild my body, my shell, and hope to lure my spirit back one day.
Who knows? It could work...If I'm strong enough.
Maybe you have nothing to fear; maybe I'm still too weak.
I sure don't feel strong enough...

And if I really am too weak to save myself,
I'll  give in to you again, and never look back.
Deep down, I know you know that.
I wish I culd know what you're thinking.
I want to feel the fear you try to hide.

It would be a welcome change,
From my own emotions, which stab painfully at me.
Never letting up, never giving in.
You understand don't you? I think you do.
You're no stranger to emotional issues.

But, in all of this, I still have a question.
Are you sure you can handle it?
When people love each other, don't they stay faithful?
You see, I've been thinking again.
Did I ever really mean very much to you?

It doesn't look like it;
The evidence is destroying your argument before it begins.
Do you know how it feels, for me?
Of course not, no one possibly can.
A shattered heart would be welcome to me, now.

I have half a mind to just log into Facebook,
And change my relationship status;
Not a word to you at all. You deserve that.
But, I've banned myself from Facebook,
And my probing friends who want to help, but can't.

Their muted words and sympathetic glances
Will kill me yet. I prefer to be alone, if their reactions are so.
How do your friends look at you, I wonder?
Do they even know what has settled onto us?
Funny how important trust is, isn't it?

I can hear the banging on my door again.
It's worse than before, now that it knows I'm writing.
It screams, making the wind screech right back.
My breath comes in rasps as I try to
Hurry. Scribble, scribble, dot, dot. Time is running out.

Should I even bother to ask 'Why me?'
I don't think it'd help, anyway. It never has before.
Why does everyone seem to think my mind
Is made so easily up? Because it's not, not now, not ever.
And this complicated thing called 'love' makes it worse.

On the logical side, which everyone I know is on,
I should dump you and move on with my life.
On the other side, I'll forgive and forget, and hopefully,
Remain happy for more than a week at a time.
So tempting is each one, that I'm lost somewhere in the middle.

I'm not sure what you're feeling,
But I know you wouldn't blame me for choosing to end us, if I were to.
I know how awkward it would make everything,
At school and during lunch, and it would take everything I have,
To do it. I also know I have a right to, not that it matters.

What matters to me is the lonliness that'll follow such a split.
I'll be daydreaming again, about your lips on mine,
About hands twined bewtwwen us as we walk,
About leaning against your warmth when I've
Had a bad day. It brings unwanted tears to my eyes as I write.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you were honest,
I just wish you hadn't done this to me;
My battered heart is begging to be split,
Just for the sake of ending the pain it's in, and has been in
For too long to say. I can't help but to see...

I'll always love you, I'm afraid, because that always
Happens to me. I've given away so much
Of myself, that if I ever find what I'm looking for,
They'll have to help me rebuild my very sef.
I'm just too fragile for my own good, I suppose.

This hasn't gotten me anywhere,
I'm afraid. I'm even more turned around than when I started out.
At least I can say that I tried, now.
I put into words what I've been harboring, every bit of it.
The only thing left to do is close this and open the door.

It's there, of course. It never left, never wavered once.
It seems to be the only constant in my life, now.
I look up at it and step out into the storm, taking its offered hand.
Around me, hurricane-force winds rip trees out of the ground.
I take a breath, and then I'm flying, up and above my life.

From this view, I know what I
Have to do. I know what I will do.
A single crystal tear slides down
My wasted, taut, pale cheek.
My exposed heart stutters once more, and my insides quake with it.

And then, I'm awake, the sheets twisted around my legs.
A flash of lightning illuminates my room,
And I can hear the crack of thunder that follows it.
Slowly, I reach up to my face, and wipe my eyes.
This is the last time, I vow to myself. This ends now.

My mind is finally made up.
No comments on this, please, due to the fact that this is so very personal. I know most of my wonderful watchers might like this, but if you do, simply favorite it, or if you really have something to say, note me. This is too raw for me to accept careless comments on. Thank you, all. :heart:
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